Bernie and Jill

Fairly recently Jill Stein of the Green party requested Barry Sanders join herm Hope he doesn’t accept her proposal. That would be a disaster. I’ll explain below.

The Green party is a tiny party. As of now there is far from enough numbers for the party to be a threat to the Democrats or Republicans. That said many of the Bernie or Bust crowd are saying they’ll vote for Stein. They maintain they are voting their conscience. That is well and good but in this case I believe a voter who follows their conscience would make Trump POTUS. He’s to coin a phrase the fascist gun in the north, south, eat and west. He’d turn the US fascist. This I see as a disaster for the US. True Hillary isn’t much better but she is better than Trump.

Jill Stein’s policies and politics are quite similar to Sanders. Conversely I think the only important question to ask in this 2016 presidential election is who do you see as worse a demegogue or a woman who is too cozy with the big banks. What one presents more danger to this country. To me its clear electing dangerous Trump.

Jill Stein on education
• Stein wants to abolish student debt and guarantee tuition-free education from preschool through higher education. She wants to prevent privatization of public schools. Increase federal funds for education.”

Jill Stein on environmental issues
• Stein’s platform prioritizes climate change. It calls for a ban on pesticides that she says threaten bees, and would transition the country entirely to renewable energy and end the use of nuclear energy.

Jill Stein on Economic Issues
Stein supports a federal $15 minimum wage, more union rights and tighter regulation of Wall Street. Her platform calls for tax cuts fo poor and middle class. H0igher taxes on the ricj. She hopes to impose a moratorium on foreclosures and evictions.

Health Care
• Stein favors a single-payer health-care system that would essentially give everyone a form of Medicare.

LGBT Isssues
Stein believes in LGBTQ protections from discrimination and supports gay marriage.

Still with Stein’s similarities there is the fact that any vote for anyone but Clinton is a vote for Trump. That would be a disaster for US.


Sara Baartman What Women can learn from the “Hottentot Venus”

I first became interested in Sara Baartman when I read in Beyoncé was thinking to make biopic on this woman. The singer, actress changed her mind due to heavy criticism of an African American woman portraying an African woman. I think this is unfair due to the fact actors and actresses portray nationalities other t han their own quite frequently. The name Sara Baartman was totally unfamiliar to me.   So I looked her up on the net.  I found out exactly who she was.  I discovered I was familiar with her years if not decades before.  I knew her as the “Hotentot Venus”  That was the only way I thought of her.  I saw her not as a person, a woman but as an attraction that belonged in the side show.

I never thought of how there was an individual who bore that moniker  I like the British and French who gawked at her saw her as only an exhibit. It didn’t occur to me she was a person with thoughts and feelings like other people.  My view of her she was human yes, but a commodity.  Baartman was somebody who was perceived by me and those who stared at her as an oddity and nothing else.

My purpose in writing of Sara or Sartje Baartman is twofold.  First a history lesson and an essay on many women’s perception  of their bodies and self esteem. The idea that the female form needs to be perfect.  Or it needs to a certain physique. Lastly it is wrong to hold that all that matters is  one’s physical form. I’m not saying its wrong to be proud of one’s body.  After all one part of fitness programs is to produce a body that’s in good shape.  One prospect of that is a shapely body.  What I object to is complete emphasis on what a woman looks like and not what she feels and thinks.

To me Sara or Sartje Baartman was the beginning of seeing the “fairer sex” as physical only.  She was in my opinion the embodiment of how black women and women in general are perceived as bodies and not much else.  I cringe when I see Kim Kardashian showing off her butt.  Okay its firm but its hard for me to esteem someone whose only talent is her “booty”  At least Nicki Minage sings.

Before there was NIcky Minaj, Miley Cyrus , The Kardashian sisters, Marilyn Monroe, Bridget Bardot, Mae West, Gypsy Rose Lee and every other stripper there was Sara Baartman.  The difference was her exhibiting of her body was involuntary.  The keyword here is choice.

As the “Hotentot Venus” she was exploited to make her keeper , her handlers rich.  The woman was exploited for her quite unusual physique.  At least it was perceived that way by the British and later French predominantly male onlookers. Baartman was considered a freak of nature.  She was stared at mostly by white males who deemed themselves superior.  To them she was a primitive savage from darkest Africa.  What most fascinate the Europeans was specifically her oversized buttocks. Plus her pendulous breasts and her greatly oversized pudendum.

Sara Baartman was born in South Africa of the Khoikhoi or koisan peoples. They  were formerly known as the Hottenhot, an insulting name given these peoples by the Dutch.      Please note Koisan may be considered an insult, racist term.  This is an ethnic group wherre it is rather common for females’s buttocks to be oversized. This is because of fat deposits deposited in the nuttovkd. The reason was food at times was scarce so fat was deposited in the buttocks to stave off hunger.  This was the norm for Koikoi women. Why it wasn’t so true of males is to me  I don’t know.   This body feature was true of Sara Baartman  To her people she was normal.  To Europeans she was freakish. So much so she was  put on display as something to be stared at. I don’t mean in an esteemed way.  She was twenty when she came to London UK.  At that tender age she lost her husband and her infant son.  In other words there could of been few ties to her home land and little motivation to stay.  She most likely figured what was there for her to lose. Yes I understand this is speculation on  my part.

I imagine she was deeply upset on how her life was turning out  Maybe she thought being in Europe would be her turn around. She realized too her only fate if she stayed home was a life of slavery. She was a house servant in her native South Africa. I wonder if there was any inkling how her life would be overseas?   She was sold by by Dunlop.   Were there any second thoughts? Did she think of her decision to leave her homeland as her only choice for any kind of future?
Be that as it may her thoughts, motivations, choices Sara Baartman became if not the first, an example of two hundred years ago of someone who was exploited for her body.   There were times she was presented with a chain around her neck.   She was poked and prodded by the curious who didn’t believe she was really the way she was.  Her fame lasted for less then five years.  In her fifth year on the continent while she was in France her notoriety was so diminished she became a prostitute.  She drank alcohol to lessen her emotional pain.  Sara Baarman passed at twenty five, alone, forgotten.  Her body dissected by French biologist George Cuvier.  That is terribly disrespectful but its a different topic from my essay.  The embodiment of two centuries ago of being exploited for her form.  How much a choice was given to her in her exploitation is unknown to me.  I do know the women of today can freely choose to be presented for their whole seles  The mind soul and bodies.  In other words their whole selves.  Yes love your form but love your minds. emotions. personalities too.

Consequences of my Jr High School English Teacher Crush,.

This post on an experience of mine that is both rather old and at the same time, quite recent. I’ll explain The incidents initially started when I was in Jr. High School. Specifically I was a student in the eight grade at Heritage Jr. High School.

Specifically it all started in English class. My age was thirteen. The teacher was at least in his late twenties. He told the class pretty early in the course he was a recent graduate of Carlisle college in Carlisle PA. Wasn’t that familiar with Carlisle college but I did know I had a super hot crush on him.

He wasn’t that tall. Maybe 5’7 or 5’8 max. But what he did have going for him, at least to yours truly, was an intense look to him. With his swarthy skin, well sculpted face, his dark penetrating eyes that seemed to look right through you his appeal was most definite. His look was smoldering to me. His voice matched his demeanor too.

Yet even though I was barely an adolescent I realized it would be wrong to pursue him I knew he was much too old for me. Plus I figured he could get into serious legal troble if he engaged in a sexual relationship with a minor. There was no way an under aged girl could give legal consent. Even if I did gave my approval for intimacy it would of been legally statuary rape. REesult was I only fantasized about him.

Now several decades later I read his obit in the local newspaper. I found out from readng it he later became a professor at Wharton School of Business. I discovered too from a very close relative that all the time I was behaving myself by not acting upon my crush he was being intimate with a girl friend in that very English class. She happened to be a very good friend of mine. She never let on. Man was I surprised. Even so I still believe I did the right thing. In retrospect she must of told my relative. I’m certain Wharton wouldn’t have hired him if they ever found out. I felt shocked when I made that discovery and with a good friend of mine too.

How I found this out was decades later when my close female relative finally told me she was dating a a boy in her class and he knew my then English teacher was being intimate with a very close woman friend in the same English class.

Did you ever cut yourself and not recall how it happened?

Warning: This post might be triggering. Did you ever cut yourself and not recall how it happened? Last night i recalled an incident when I was 13. I bought home my 8th grade report card. Received a C in arithmetic. I was terrible in math. My mother was furious. She didn’t hit me but she sure as hell yelled and screamed at me. She told me I was completely worthless. I was dirt. I was disgusting. I was no good. The worst , most hurtful comment was when she told me ” I emanated evil.” That’s an exact quote. At this point I was hysterical with negative emotions. I burst into tears. I remember at that point I was so distraught I couldn’t tell what i was doing. I felt detached. Unsure, I think I blacked out. Maybe I dissociated. I vaguely recalled a feeling of detachment. It felt like there no way for me to be sure of anything I did except for this. I remembered I held a sharp jagged piece of a pottery bowl that broke.. When I able to in any capacity understand what was going on i saw my right wrist was bleeding. .Unclear if it was an accident or on purpose. I felt too distraught to tell. The cut was right next to a major artery.Taken care of at the local ER

First time I noticed someone noticing my heterochromatica iridis.

My left eye is blue and hazel. My right eye blue green. An eye with different colors is medically known as either heterochrmatica iridis or sectoral heterochrmia.  For the record one eye one hue and the other another hue is heterochromia iradae.   In Waardenburg syndrome two unmatching eyes occur in 47% of people with this genetic syndrome.

I recall when I was five my mom and I were at the local city art museum. As we were walking up the stairs a senior citizen woman was gong down the same stairs. Well at one point the woman ‘s face was right up close to me So much that we were only a couple inches from each other She looked directly at me yelled an extremely loud scream So much she hurt my eardrums. Didn’t occur to me ask why she screamed I strongly suspect it was because of my eyes. I do know I burst out in tears. I think it was one of the earliest times i realized my eyes were different. That I was different.
My eye hues are the result of Waardenburg syndrome tyep2. WS consists of unusual pigment including premature grey hair. I was born with patches of white in my hair Brows that grow together and hearing loss. Close to 80% of WS2 are born with a degree of deafness. There are four types.  Overall WS is a leading cause of deafness.  Source  NORD National Organization for Rare Disorders.

I co write with my friend Carol Bond<“a href=” “>Society for Dainty Damsels.  A blog that is wacky, sometimes outrageous and consistently weird<br>

My relationship with my mother was pretty complicated

My relation with my mother was kind of complicated. It is true she greatly verbally, emotionally abused me. OTOH she encouraged me to tell anything and everything that upset me except for one clear exception. She was on Amphetimine when she said horrible things to me. Such as why did I ever have a child like you. That I was evil. I was FOS. etc. I wasn’t the easiest daughter to raise being I was ADHD & Tourettes. In my mid teens she got off the Speed. She apologized. I just know she was a loving mother from that point. I realize that but the memories of her hurtful statements are still with me even though I realize she changed her way in her relationship to me. Yes memories, especially emotional ones are still there. Even though I know she changed for the better. Does that make any sense? I can’t be certain if this will make a difference to you. I wrote this because I wanted to be completely honest.

I co write with my friend Carol Bond<a href=" ">Society for Dainty Damsels.  A blog that is wacky, sometimes outrageous and consistently weird

I was diagnosed with PTSD at a local mental health center.

Due to how I was treated by my then monstrous mother,  and other traumatic experiences I was diagnosed with PTSD.  Note my definition of an emotional trauma is a personal experience that still affects you to this day.   I believe , even  though these events happened way before the present   I believe they are still affecting me now. At least my self perception of me.

To be fair to my mother she was on speed when she said such hurtful words to me.  Over a decade later when she got off of the drug she did apologize and treated me significantly better.    Though I know intellectually she apologized and I believe it was sincere I still feel the sting of her hurtful words.   They still deeply hurt me to this day.   I know it doesn’t make sense since she said she was sorry she treated me much better emotionally.   I feel I’m being terribly unfair to her.  I feel exceedingly guilty about my view of my mother.   I know its irrational and unfair.  Hopefully my therapist will help me deal with my mixed emotions.  But as someone said the heart has a mind of its own. Okay its not literally the heart but it is recognizing how one feels even though I realize her hurtful words were so long ago.

So why does her hurtful words still affect me?:   I  am well aware I am not that little girl but when I start to recall what she said to me I still start to cry.   Yes it’s totally irrational.  I fully realize that its way in the past.  Maybe because this was in my formative years when I was first beginning to develop a self image of myself.   When I was initially perceiving like most kids just beyond the toddler stage their view of who they were.

My earliest memory was when I was four years old. My mother was hanging the clothes on the clothesline outside to dry them.  I don’t recall what I said. I do remember her telling I’ll give you something to cry about.  I wish I never had you.  I can’t begin to tell you how hurt her words made me feel.   Her words stung me deeply to my core.   It was the earliest memory of her and me and it was happened to be the first time she said such hurtful words to me.

All I did was watch her put the just washed clothes on the line.  That’s all I did.  I felt so guilty being her daughter.  I felt shame.  The shame of being me.  I believe the worst part of any abuse is the way it makes you feel about yourself.  Even today I still feel the effect of her horribly mean verbal abuse.I I think in retrospect it wasn’t only the abuse it was the fear that she wouldn’t be there to take care of me.  Children when they are little are extremely vulnerable since they are incapable of taking care of themselves.  They are virtually completely dependent on their parent or parents or who ever their caregiver is.   I was in diagnosed with depression, bipolar OCD and PTSD for many years now.  Part of the mental health system ever since I was in my early teens.
I co write with my friend Carol Bond<a href=" ">Society for Dainty Damsels.  A blog that is wacky, sometimes outrageous and consistently weird